6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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