I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
