I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
