Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
