Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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