Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
