I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
