In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
