Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
