There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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