we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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