Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
