is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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