did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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