just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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