Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
