So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
