Screwed.edu
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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