my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
