I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
