The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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