Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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