i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
