i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize