I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This girl is more easily done than said...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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