My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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