don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
