i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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