He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So many bounce houses so little time
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
