I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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