I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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