if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
