If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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