I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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