Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
