awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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