..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
