I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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