Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
