White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
