I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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