Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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