She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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