my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
