his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
