the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
