Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
