Kiss
Puke
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
