I'd wear matching sweaters with you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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