The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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