i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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