He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
