She is in my trunk
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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