He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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