remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
