Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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