things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
