This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
