Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
