flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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