So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
3pm strippers are depressing
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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