Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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