break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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