I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
