can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
