Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Randomize
