I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
