Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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