i don't like sucking hair
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
