I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
