We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
