I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
