i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize