i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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