i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
