Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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